Uckfield Tube Map Art Print - A Gift For Locals

A gift for Uckfield people who have never once found something worth hanging that is actually about Uckfield, because this gives the town the London Underground treatment, down to Smelly Ditch and Rozzers. It is titled A Not Very Useful Uckfield Tube Map for good reason. It is not trying to help you get anywhere.

Giclée on 230gsm premium fine art paper, textured matte, archival and acid-free. Available in A2 or A1, with US sizing at 24x18in and 36x24in, unframed or framed. Deeply researched and designed by me in East Sussex.

I drew this from the location map and from knowing the place, turning the town into a transit network with landmarks, streets and local quirks as stations. Ten lines, a river and a subtitle that reads Local Lines For Local People.

Why this Uckfield tube map art makes a gift locals keep

The usual town souvenir could be any town. This one only works if you know Uckfield, which is the entire point of it.

Every line has at least one joke buried in it. It rewards every closer look.

What is on the map

The lines are the Manor, the Circle, the Buxted, the Cinema and the East Sussex Golf Course, with the River Uck running across the whole thing.

The golf course gets its own line and six of its holes, plus a golf buggy interchange, which is the only sensible way to get between Hole 18 and East Hoathly.

The best joke on the map is the Buxted line marked as incomplete. It runs, in dotted purple, to Crypt and Hamilton Palace, which anyone local will understand immediately.

There is a Proposed New Line for 2025, marked Subject to More Houses, and it calls at Horstedpond and Ridgewood Farm. Elsewhere you will find North More Houses and East More Houses, which is the same observation made twice.

Real stations sit alongside the invented ones. Uckfield Picture House has its own cinema symbol, the mainline interchange at Uckfield is properly marked, and Piltdown sits at the far west end of the Circle line.

Three heritage railways connect into it. The Bluebell Line runs to Sheffield Park and Horsted Keynes, the Lavender Line reaches Isfield, and both are drawn as local interchanges with their own steam symbols.

Then there are the stations that are simply true. Upper Bypass Rumble and Lower Bypass Rumble, Straight Half Mile, Bird in Eye, Wild Garlic, Heffer's House, Signal Box, and one marked only as TBA.

How I make each print

Each one is a Giclée on 230gsm premium fine art paper with a textured matte finish, archival and acid-free, so the colours hold for years. Choose A2 or A1, unframed or framed, ready to hang in a hallway, kitchen or local business.

FAQ

Is it an accurate map?
No, and the title says so. It is a tube map, which means it is about connections rather than distances, and a fair amount of it is a joke.

Are the stations real places?
Most of them. Uckfield Picture House, the golf course, Piltdown, the schools and the supermarkets are all there, alongside the invented ones.

Why is one line marked incomplete?
Because of where it goes. Locals tend to work that one out on their own.

Are the heritage railways on it?
Yes. The Bluebell Line and the Lavender Line both connect in, with their own steam interchange symbols.

Is there a Lewes version?
There is, and this map points to it. It is called A Useless Lewes Tube Map, which tells you roughly what to expect.

What are the framing options?
Unframed, or supplied framed and ready to hang.

Related Tube Maps

The Lewes Tube Map Art Print is the companion piece, and this map points across to it at the bottom left corner. Both sit in the Lewes and Uckfield collection at mikebellmaps.com.

For more Sussex, the Brighton and Hove Albion Map Art Print covers the club rather than the town.